And then you stop reaching out to him altogether. It kills you because you miss the words that spilled from his mouth to soothe you. Like the lover, he promises to love every inch of you to eternity and beyond. Not the fear of falling so deeply into the bottomless pit of failure that you fear you can ever crawl out. You need someone who is one hundred percent absolutely sure of you.
It was a time before you realized you were capable of falling for someone, hard. The potential not his true self. As hard as it is to see it now, you did the right thing. There is a reason why it did not work out with him. You want to feel his hand pressed against yours one more time, if only to ensure it feels exactly the way you remember it. The promises not reality. Replaying what happened for the thousandth times. You want to feel that safe again. But either way, it will still leave a scar. It was a time when you were still willing to do so. And if you could bring yourself to admit it, how you would trade everything you have just to have him back. It was dry and coarse but it warmed you. You consider whether someone new would be worth the risk. When his only certainty is that he is unable to love you the amount, the extent, and the way you need to. It kills you because you miss the words that spilled from his mouth to soothe you. To sit and let an old feeling envelop you is to leave you feeling empty the moment you open your eyes. Maybe you should have tried harder. You miss the security that comes with being in a loving relationship. Like the doctor, he heals the broken and fragmented parts of you into one that is as good as new. And then you stop reaching out to him altogether. Did you do the right thing? Because instead of celebrating your moment, instead of joining the lively conversations and bustling activities around you, you are miles away with him. You would not be here missing him. Not the fear of falling so deeply into the bottomless pit of failure that you fear you can ever crawl out. Perhaps he chose to end it or you decided to call it quits. Instead of refocusing your attention to build yourself up, to rectify your mistakes, and to come back stronger than before, you feel that nothing matters. But guess what, he is not real.
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