The whole Red Army are going Viking on Georgia's asses; pillaging, partying hard, and raeping the fuck out of every thing of value they saw on their way to the capital of Failorgia. But when they heard that the Russians were coming their way, they piled into tanks, trucks, APCs, and even civilian cars, and retreated as fast as they could. To defend itself, South Ossetia only had lightly armed militia and volunteers, who quickly sprung into action.
After taking whatever weapons and equipment they could find, they then took literally everything that they possibly could, even the toilets. It's important to remember that the USA is very messed up in this shit. After mopping up, they again caught up with the Russians, stole all the military shit the Georgians didn't take with them and the Russians didn't destroy, headed back Two more Russian planes took direct hits from Georgian Stinger missiles but still flew. The local Georgian leaders quickly promised not to resist, meaning that the Russians could basically have a field day. The Georgian Army sent a convoy of their "Special Forces" in pickup trucks, but then they panicked and ran when they actually got close. The rest of the boats got the message, and sailed away like the French Navy. After all, it's only fair to make sure even the lowliest Russian private can know the joys of lighting grain stores on fire ensuring starvation for thousands in the coming winter. Oh right, the planners of this war. Turned out to be the Russkies all along! Assuming that Sasquatch is a hybrid, why would he be exclusively carnivorous? The women who survived to tell the tale to journalists were obviously very pissed off, as they were apparently not attractive. However, since most of Europe except Spain didn't have the balls to oppose Kosovo's independence, despite it blatantly breaking international law , the world is going to have to suffer the consequences of over secessionist movements like this in the future. One of the boats fired a missile, causing a little bit of damage and starting a small fire on a Russian ship. The Georgians then retreated, and then tried to push into Tskhinvali one last time. Meanwhile the Georgians were bawwwing that the Russians were bombing Gori when in actuality, all the Russians did was simply smash some military bases. You would be too if you just got to use that glistening tank-mounted heavy machine gun on a marketplace full of children while you calmly sit in the hatch and pat the looted 72" Sony plasma TV, manufactured by poor enslaved Chinese, loaded next to you, knowing that's going up on your apartment wall back in Russia. Apparently the Russians--tired from all the looting, partying hard, and raep in Gori, began heading for Tbilisi with some tanks, and at least APC's and trucks to fuck up the Gregorian army for the lulz or at least that's what CNN and Mikhail are saying. So yeah, the Georgians were fucked. In the place of the toilets, the Russians urinated on and smeared their shit on the Hitler-esque portraits of Saakashvili adorning all rooms in the bases. In reality, the Russians were performing a tactical retreat, in a virtually abandoned city, planning a perfect, large scale ambush. Among the bodies found were black men in NATO uniforms. They were doing great, but after killing their first two Georgians, they got a call from Russia: Visitors to the site are able to make their own films with Sasquatch, choosing from 35 different Sasquatch animations, adding them to a timeline and recording their own interaction with the Sasquatch through a drag and drop interface. Unless, of course, he had a gas grill squirreled away somewhere and was planning a cookout with a bunch of his friends. Saakashvili, realizing that he was in extremely deep shit, was hoping that the Americans and NATO would save his ass before Russian tanks were in Tbilisi and he was hanging from a lamppost.
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Messin' With Sasquatch "Pee on Face"
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